Hope
by BabyYou'reNotAlone
Summary: What was meant to be one of the best nights a fan could hope for takes a turn for the worst when her celebrity crush discovers a secret no one was meant to know about. Darren Criss/other character, rated M for SELF HARM TRIGGER WARNING!
1. Chapter 1

**Hello there! So, this is my first stab at fan fiction so please excuse me if this turns out to be terrible, as I've said in my bio, I am not a writer by any means! I adore Klaine and all my stories will most likely be about them but I've had this idea in my head for weeks now and figured a one-shot would be the best way to get started on here : )**

**Check out my profile if you're interested in who I ship and that way you can decide if my stories will be your cup of tea or not : ) also, I welcome requests, prompts etc so feel free to send them in!**

**I may also post a link to my Tumblr if people like this one-shot and wanna send requests to my ask there instead : )**

**I'm getting way ahead of myself here though and my AN is faaaaaaaaaar too long so I'll wrap it up now! Hope you enjoy this, reviews would be greatly appreciated!**

**I don't own Glee or any of its characters/actors… I just wish I did :P**

**SELF HARMING TRIGGER WARNING! Please do not read this if there is a chance it will trigger you.**

My hands were trembling and I tried to control my breathing as the people in front of me in the line began moving forward again. I couldn't believe this was actually happening. I could see him, sitting there at the table with that adorable smile on his face as he attempted to calm down the hysterical girl standing opposite him with a picture of him clutched in her hands.  
>"I LOVE YOU DARREN!" the girl sobbed as she was all but dragged away from the table by the two girls with her.<br>Darren Criss. I was in the same room, no, I was no more than about twenty steps away from the man I had admired and had a huge crush on since I had discovered Glee and A Very Potter Musical just over a year ago. I was never one to get obsessed with celebrities. Sure, I got crushes on them like everyone else but Darren was the only one who I found myself completely fascinated with. When he had tweeted two months previous that he was going to be doing a gig with a meet & greet afterwards in a bar half an hour from where I lived I had ordered my tickets instantly and my countdown began there and then. Sixty days and a two hour gig later and here I was, standing in line waiting to meet the guy I'd watched on TV countless times and whose songs had gotten me through some pretty tough situations. I'd promised myself I was going to remain calm and as sophisticated as I could. Sure, deep inside I wanted to freak out like the majority of other people there but I'd watched plenty of videos of fan encounters online to know that I didn't want to come across as crazy. What reaction could I get exactly by screaming in his face while crying my eyes out? I was probably never going to get this opportunity again and I didn't want to ruin it.  
>I'd been so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't even realise the two fourteen year old girls in front of me were now standing opposite Darren, giggling hysterically with nerves as he signed their posters and made small talk with them. His smile was infectious. I clutched the cd in my hand as I dug my camera out of my clutch bag with the other just as the two girls were led away, clinging onto each other with huge smiles on their faces. I mentally reminded myself to breathe as I approached the table, Darren looking up at me from where he sat with a huge, gorgeous smile on his face.<br>"Hi! I'm Darren, what's your name?"  
>For a split second my mind went blank. He was there. He was right there! Darren Criss was talking to me and asking what my name was. I was pretty sure I was going to wake up at any second.<br>"I-I'm Nicole." I managed to stutter out, cringing at how shaky my voice sounded.  
>"Nicole," Darren grinned "thank you so much for coming out, I hope you enjoyed the show!"<br>"It was amazing" I smiled, trying to control the shaky quality my voice had decided to adopt "you only forgot the lyrics to about five songs tonight so well done to you!"  
>I instantly regretted saying it, realising how cheeky it may have sounded but Darren burst out laughing and I felt myself calm down.<br>"Come on don't try and make me feel better, we both know it was eight songs."  
>I grinned as the light banter continued between us for a while. He was amazing. Everything I'd ever imagined and more. To say he was down to earth would have been the biggest understatement of my life! After asking for a picture together, which Darren happily agreed to, I couldn't keep the smile off my face. I moved to put my camera back in my bag when I felt Darren's hand on mine.<br>"Oh wow, this is really cool, are you into theatre?" he asked, gently pulling my arm towards him to examine the two theatre face charms I had on my blue bracelet.  
>I was about to respond when suddenly everything froze. Darren had absent-mindedly moved the sleeve of my cardigan up slightly and moved my bracelet down towards my hand so he could see the charms better, revealing three of the long, deep, angry scars across my wrist. I felt myself tense up immediately. My breathing began to speed up again and it wasn't over the fact Darren Criss was touching me. He had stopped talking and was looking directly at the scars on my wrist. I'm not sure how long we stayed like that, it was probably only for a couple of seconds but it felt like forever. As soon as I managed to realise what was happening I quickly pulled my wrist out of his grasp and yanked my sleeve back down.<br>"Um… t-thanks for the photo Darren." I mumbled quietly, keeping my eyes down and quickly moving away from the table.  
>"Nicole, wait…"<br>But I was gone. As soon as I was out of the room the meet and greet was going on in I quickened my pace and was soon running to the bar's toilets. I didn't even bother to notice if there was anyone else standing at the mirrors before collapsing into an empty cubicle and throwing up. I managed to slip the hair bobble off my unscarred wrist and tied my waist long blonde hair back into a loose messy bun before emptying my stomach into the toilet again. I felt a tear splash onto my hand before I even realised I was crying as I slumped back against the locked cubicle door. My entire body was trembling. I felt horrendous. No one knew. No one was supposed to ever know and now not only had someone discovered my darkest secret, but that person was the celebrity who I idolised more than anyone else. That didn't really matter though. I was never going to see Darren again. What did matter was just the fact that he knew. He had seen with his own eyes how pathetic I was. How weak and afraid and completely worthless I was. I let out a shaky breath I hadn't realised I'd been holding as I slid the bobble out of my hair, letting it fall over my shoulder. My body wracked as I sobbed silently into my hands. How could this have happened? No one was ever supposed to find out. I'd kept it to myself for six months, how could I have been so careless to let someone notice?  
>I slowly lifted my head from my hands and pulled my cardigan sleeve down, staring at the scars running horizontally across my wrist and feeling disgusted with myself. The familiar urge began to build up inside me and I instantly wished I had a knife. I wanted to cut. I needed to. I needed to feel the pain searing through my arm. I needed something to make me forget about what had just happened. I needed the release. I ran a trembling hand through my hair, standing back up and walking out of the cubicle, knowing I could be home in half an hour. I walked over to one of the mirrors, splashing some water onto my face and quickly wiping away the faint mascara lines that had stained my cheeks while I'd been crying. I slipped a piece of chewing gum out of the packet in my clutch, chewing on it to try and freshen my mouth before putting it into the bin next to the door. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before walking out of the toilets and back into the bar. I immediately made my way towards the cloakroom, opening my clutch to get the ticket for my jacket wanting nothing more than to go home. However, my ticket was nowhere to be seen. I stopped where I was, digging through my clutch praying for the small ticket to suddenly appear but in the back of my head I already knew what had happened. It had fallen out while I'd taken my camera out waiting in line to see Darren. I shut my eyes and groaned in frustration. I'd been in this pub enough times to know that without a ticket I wouldn't be able to get my jacket until the end of the night after everyone else had left. What was meant to be one of the best nights of my life was beginning to turn into one of the worst.<br>I made my way over to the bar and managed to find an empty seat, ordering a vodka and orange knowing I had no other option than to stay in the pub for the remaining hour and a half until it shut. I sipped my drink slowly and tried to blend in with the crowd, praying that no drunken people would approach me as I really wasn't in the mood to be sociable. All I wanted was to go home. However, just as I was thinking this I spotted a tall, heavy man in a suit walking towards the bar, looking right at me.  
>"Excuse me miss, is your name Nicole?"<br>I stared at him for a few seconds, not recognising him at all and therefore completely confused as to how he knew my name. I nodded my head slowly.  
>"Would you mind coming with me," he said, gesturing for me to follow him towards the back of the pub.<br>"I'm sorry, I'd rather just stay here thanks." I replied, not being stupid enough to follow some random guy just because he knew my name.  
>"Please miss, Mr Criss requested we come find you."<br>My brow furrowed in confusion for a few seconds before I realised who he was talking about and I felt my jaw drop slightly. Darren.  
>"W-what do you mean? Why did he ask you to find me?"<br>"He didn't say, I'm sure he'll explain everything himself though. Please come this way miss, I'll take you to his dressing room."  
>I hesitated for a few seconds. I never thought I'd ever be thinking this but the last thing I wanted right now was to see Darren Criss. Not after what he'd seen. I didn't want him to look at me like I was this pathetic teenager. I didn't want him to look at me the way I looked at myself. For some reason though, something inside was telling me to go. I shook my head slightly before grabbing my purse and sliding off my seat. The man in the suit began walking towards the back of the pub and I followed him, pushing my way through the busy crowds of people, trying to keep up with him. We reached a door that had a 'private – staff only' sign across it. The man pulled out a set of keys and unlocked the door, ushering me in before locking it again behind us. I found myself in reasonably small white corridor, several posters for different brands of alcohol lined the walls and there were two doors on each wall. The man walked towards the door on the far left and I followed, feeling extremely anxious.<br>"Mr Criss, it's Steve, I managed to find her." The man said, knocking on the door.  
>No more than three seconds later the door opened and he was there. His eyes fell to me immediately but I couldn't hold his gaze and dropped my eyes to look at my hands which were fidgeting with my bag.<br>"Thank you so much Steve, I really appreciate it and dude remember, please call me Darren." I heard him say.  
>Steve nodded once with a smile before turning away from us and walking through one of the other doors. I felt Darren's hand on my arm and he gently brought me into the room. He closed the door behind me and I looked up, taking in the room. It was pretty big, white like the corridor with two brown leather sofas, a small coffee table in the middle of the room that had a bowl of various snacks on it as well as a crate of beer, an iPhone and an open notebook lying face down. There was a unit across the wall to the left of the door that had a mini fridge on it and a TV which was switched off. It was exactly the type of 'dressing room' you'd expect to find in a pub.<br>I heard Darren clear his throat behind me and I turned towards him, making a point of looking anywhere but his face.  
>"Would you like a drink?" He asked me, heading towards the small fridge.<br>"Um, s-sure. Vodka and orange if you have it please." I replied in a quiet voice.  
>He poured the drink into a glass for me, handing it over as he took a beer from the crate on the coffee table and gestured for me to sit on the couch. I was surprised when he sat down next to me and felt myself getting extremely nervous, keeping my gaze focused on the glass in my hands. It was strange, you'd think my hands beginning to tremble ever so slightly would have been due to the fact my favourite celebrity was sitting right next to me, feeling his eyes burning into me, but it wasn't. Not entirely anyway. It was because of what he knew. What must he be thinking? What must he think about me? I shakily placed the glass on the coffee table and immediately began playing with the ring on my left hand.<br>"Nicole?"  
>His voice was so gentle. I couldn't bring myself to look at him though. I didn't want to see the judgement I knew he would have. It wasn't that I thought that's what kind of person he was, it was just that I knew that's all I would get from anyone once they found out about what I did to myself. No one would understand. How could they when I didn't even fully understand it myself?<br>"Nicole, please look at me."  
>I felt a soft hand on my chin and he gently turned my face towards him. I finally met his eyes for the first time since I'd entered the room and I had to bite back a small gasp at what I saw. His shining, hazel eyes were full of understanding. The last thing I had been expecting. He stared at me for what felt like forever, neither of us saying a word before he pulled me into a gentle but tight hug. I froze at first, not too sure exactly what to do before I found myself wrapping my arms around his neck and hugging him back with everything I had in me. The tears started flowing instantly. His arms tightened around my waist before one of his hands came up to soothingly run up and down my back as I buried my face in his shoulder. I sobbed into his shoulder, letting out everything I'd been holding inside for the past six months. This was what I needed right now, even if I hadn't realised it before. His strong arms wrapped around me gave me such a strong sense of comfort and I just wanted to stay there forever. However, I could feel the fabric of his black short sleeved t-shirt starting to get wet from my tears and so I pulled away.<br>"Sorry, I'm getting your shirt all wet." I said through my tears, moving my hand to wipe them away but Darren held my hand gently in his and used his other one to wipe away my tears himself with the pad of his thumb.  
>"Don't apologise." He almost whispered with a small smile.<br>He waited until my tears had subsided before asking if I was alright, his fingers still clasped with mine and his thumb gently stroking the back of my hand. I nodded my head and sniffed quietly.  
>"I've just never… no one knows so when you saw I-I didn't know what to do."<br>Darren nodded his head and held my hand slightly tighter.  
>"I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable at all so please don't feel obliged to do this or anything but… can I see? Properly?" He asked me, his eyes looking kindly into mine.<br>My breath caught in my throat and my mouth suddenly felt incredibly dry. He'd already seen the scars so it shouldn't really be that big of a deal, but it was. Actually choosing to show Darren the marks I'd inflicted on myself was almost like admitting out loud just how much I hated myself. The thought terrified me. Everyone saw me as this bubbly, fun loving teenage girl who was always up for a party and was always the one there to listen to everyone else's problems. No one knew that within the blink of an eye my happy-go-lucky mood could disappear and I'd be crying my eyes out, unable to look at myself in the mirror and I'd feel completely worthless. Showing Darren the scars would be showing him just how worthless I actually was.  
>"You don't have to if it's too hard, I just… how deep are they?"<br>He was looking at me with so much concern that I actually felt tears beginning to build up behind my eyes again. Why did he care so much? I was just some random fan. It felt like my body was working on auto pilot because instead of answering him I found myself taking off my bracelets and then slowly slipping my cardigan off, revealing my bare arms. I let Darren take my hand again as he brought my wrist closer to him and I lowered my eyes again, too ashamed to look at him. I felt his fingers gently brush over the three scars and I involuntarily flinched. He stopped immediately.  
>"Sorry, am I hurting you?"<br>I shook my head, "No, it just feels strange having someone else touch them." I said quietly, keeping my head down.  
>Darren was still for a few moments and I waited for him to drop my arm, realise what he was doing and tell me I was stupid. What he did do next though shocked me to no end. He raised my arm slightly and then lowered his head and softly kissed each scar. He looked up at me through his eyelashes and I couldn't help but stare at him in amazement, unable to form words.<br>"I hope that didn't freak you out or anything," he said "I'm not going to pretend I know what you're going through. I won't patronise you by saying that I understand how you feel when I don't and I'm not going to ask you to promise me not to do it again because I know that stopping cold turkey is not something that's going to happen."  
>He held my gaze for several seconds before taking my hand in his again.<br>"What I will say is this though; please don't ever think that you're not worth something, because you are. I don't know when you started doing this or what made you start or what triggers you off to keep doing it and I don't expect you to tell me but please don't think that you deserve to have these marks. You are worth so, so much more than this."  
>The tear slipped down my cheek before I could stop it.<br>"I don't understand. Why do you care?" my voice came out so weak and I could only imagine how pathetic I must look.  
>"Because I may not know you but I can tell that you are an amazing girl and you don't deserve to be hurting yourself like this."<br>I stared at him, tears still building in my eyes. Whenever I'd thought about what could happen if someone ever were to find out my secret, this was not the reaction I had predicted I'd get. Or the person I'd thought it would be that'd find out for that matter.  
>"Thank you." I had no idea what else to say.<br>Darren smiled kindly and was about to say something back when there was a knock on the door.  
>"Mr Criss? The car is outside, you have to be in it right now."<br>Darren sighed in annoyance and looked over to the door.  
>"Ok thank you, I'll be there in a second," he turned back to me with an apologetic expression "I am so sorry. I really don't want to leave right now-"<br>"No, Darren please don't be silly you've done plenty for me so far." I replied, putting my bracelets and cardigan back on.  
>He looked at me for a second before picking up the notebook that had been lying on the coffee table. I noticed what looked like lyrics on the pages as I finished off my drink quickly, not wanting to take up anymore of his time. Darren walked over to his bag which was on the other couch and began to rummage through it. A few seconds later he turned back to me, holding his album in his hands.<br>"Here, you left this at the signing." He said handing me my cd which I had completely forgotten about in my rush to get away from the meet & greet.  
>A small smile appeared on my lips when I saw his signature on the cover, remembering how happy and excited I had been standing in line about 45 minutes ago before the night had taken a drastic turn for the worst.<br>"Thanks," I said "I'm really sorry too for causing you so much trouble. You really didn't have to send your bodyguards out to look for me."  
>"Don't apologise. I wanted to find you and talk to you. You looked so scared when I saw your wrist at the meet &amp; greet, I couldn't just forget about it. I was worried about you."<br>The honesty in his voice was touching but confusing. Why would a big celebrity like Darren Criss be worried about a nobody like me? It didn't make any sense.  
>"Would it be totally inappropriate if I hugged you again?" He asked.<br>I couldn't stop the small laugh that escaped my lips and I shook my head. Darren wrapped his arms around my waist tightly again and I wrapped mine around his neck.  
>"Please don't think you deserve to hurt, Nicole." He whispered softly in my ear.<br>I hugged him tighter in response, taking comfort in the strong hold he had on me. The door knocked again and we pulled apart, I thought I could see a sign of reluctance in Darren's eyes but I decided it was just my imagination.  
>"Yeah, I'm just coming." Darren called to whoever was on the other side of the door "I better go. You can stay here just now and I'll get Steve to come let you back into the bar." Darren said to me as he put on his black leather jacket and picked up his bag.<br>"Thank you Darren, for everything. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it." I smiled.  
>He smiled back at me as we walked to the room door. He opened it and we stood awkwardly for a second.<br>"Well, um… goodbye Darren."  
>"Goodbye Nicole. Please take care of yourself."<br>I smiled again and gave a small nod. He gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze and leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead. Then another bodyguard approached us and he was gone. I stayed where I was in the doorframe, the reality of everything that had just happened slowly beginning to sink in. I walked back into the dressing room and sat down on the couch, needing to take a moment to regain my posture. I looked down at the cd in my hands and thought back over everything that had happened. It was after a few minutes that I eventually noticed what looked like the corner of a white piece of paper just showing behind the cd cover. I opened the case and sure enough, there was a folded piece of paper behind the cover booklet. I slid it out and carefully unfolded it, finding a note written in unfamiliar handwriting.

_Nicole, I'm writing this in a rush so excuse this practically illegible handwriting and how short this note is. In a nutshell, yes, this is my number. You seem trust-worthy and I'd really like to talk to you again. No puns intended whatsoever but you are not alone and I want you to know that I am here for you. Please text or call me so we can arrange to meet up sometime soon. I want to help you._  
><em>Darren<em>  
><em>PS. If my number ends up all over Twitter andor Tumblr tonight I will know exactly who to blame ;)_

I re-read the note about six times. I had to be dreaming. I had to be. Darren Criss didn't just give out his number to random fans. I was in the middle of reading it for a seventh time when Steve appeared at the door announcing that he would take me back through to the bar. I slowly stood up, still staring at the note before folding it back up and placing it back inside the cd case. I couldn't stop the smile that appeared on my face as I followed Steve back down the corridor. I was still dying to get home and I knew I was still going to cut when I finally did but there was something in the back of my mind that told me contacting Darren was going to be a good thing. I wasn't going to stop cutting tomorrow, that was a ridiculous thought. But there was something new inside me now. It was almost miniscule, but it was there. Hope.

**Yeah, I am absolutely not a writer! I'm not overly happy with how this turned out and the ending feels incredibly rushed but like I said, this is my first go at fan fiction so I guess it'll have to do. All reviews are welcome, I hope this wasn't too disappointing! Also, like I said, if anyone ever wants someone to talk to or get advice on the topic in this story please know that my inbox is always open.**


	2. Question From Author

**Hello there you lovely people : )**

**First of all, thank you to those of you who read and enjoyed Hope, it's greatly appreciated!**

**After receiving a PM from a reader I have a question for you all, would anyone be interested in reading more of this story if I were to continue it? I have a few ideas in my head and could easily make it into a two-shot or, if enough people were interested, a full fic…?**

**If anyone would be interested in reading more please review or PM and let me know! If there is enough response I will get a new chapter up as soon as I can : )**


	3. Another AN

Hello again : )! So, I just thought I would let everyone know that thanks to the lovely reviews and PMs I've received, this story will be continuing! However, I hope you guys don't mind but it may be a while until the next chapter is up. In 'Hope' the character of Nicole is based on myself & my own issues with self-harming which have been going on for a while now. Things have been getting pretty scary recently so I finally decided I had to go see a doctor and yesterday I was diagnosed with depression. I'm still trying to wrap my head round it and deal with it so writing is going to be pushed aside for a while : (

As an apology for making you guys wait though I do have a Klaine one-shot which I'll try to get posted on here sometime this week.

Thanks for your patience everyone : )


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